I was non-revving from New York City back home to Austin on a full flight. I was lucky to get on as a stand-by. I had a window seat but a girl was sitting next to me, reading a fitness magazine. She read that thing for over four hours. I had no idea there was that much to actually read in a fitness magazine but apparently there is. I read over her shoulder some of the time and I hoped that she could tell that I was reading over her shoulder and not looking down her blouse. I hope her dad across the aisle just didn’t see anything at all. One article was about a basic work out cycle for the week:
Day 1- Upper body
Day 2- Lower body
Day 3- Day of Rest
Day 4- Upper body
Day 5- Lower body
Day 6- Cardio
Day 7- Cardio
I’d love to be in better shape and maybe drop a few pounds but I just can’t get myself to join a gym or go out and play sports, mainly because no one will play with me. I literally have a trunk full of sports gear that never gets used. It’s always too hot or too cold or too this or too that or their kid needs to go to the frickin’ Emergency Room because their fever won’t break. It’s always SOMETHING!
So I decided to come up with a workout routine that any flight attendant can follow. On the days you’re supposed to work out your upper body, those are the days you work the galley. You move heavy racks of food from the carts to the ovens. You open a dozen of bottles of wine. You carry inserts full of soda to the middle of the cabin and leave them there for use inflight. You break the massive brick of melted and then re-frozen ice catering gives you into normal sized cubes.
Then you can just move things around for the fun of it. You don’t really have to move all the other inserts of soda from the Supplement Cart to the cubbies in the galley but you can in the name of health. During boarding, you can get out there and actually help the passengers with their heavy bags. We’re not supposed to lift anything that’s not ours, but we’re going for a look here people, so it’s worth the risk of injuring your back and being out for a month, uncovered by insurance because we were doing things we aren’t supposed to. When everyone is asleep you can do dips using the jumpseat to work your triceps. In the hotel room we can do some push ups and sit ups to further the cause. If you’re not ready for proper push ups, start by doing some 45 degree angle ones in the bathroom against the sink. It’s a start.
On the Lower Body days we’re going to be in the aisle. We’re going to pull those carts up and down the aisle all by ourselves. If someone asks to help, we’re going to say “Get Away”, we’re working our calves! To really feel the burn we’re going to pull the carts up right after take off, while the plane is still climbing at a steep incline. Make sure you’re capable of this though, if you accidentally let go of the cart, someone will get a knee shattered when the cart hits them.
We’ll also help out with closing all the overhead bins right after boarding. We’re going to step on the seat and concentrate on working our legs. Often times that’s the only way for short people to close the middle overhead bins, to elevate on the aisle seat. Most people recruit a tall man to get up and close the middle overhead bins but we’re working on our Adonis body so we’ll do it ourselves, up and down on every single row until all the bins are closed.
Once we get to the hotel we can take the stairs instead of the elevator. We can go balls-out and do the stairs with our luggage in tow but that’s not recommended for beginners. Word of advice: don’t take the stairs too quickly, you can make yourself dizzy and nauseous going around in circles like that.
For the cardio days we can start by actually answering some of those call lights and doing our fifteen minute walk-arounds that we’re supposed to do. If you answer every call light that goes off, right when it goes off, you’ll find that you’re up and moving around the entire flight. So instead of rolling your eyes when the chime goes off and thinking, “I’m sure they meant to turn on their overhead light,” get out there and check it out! Go the long way if you have to. If the call light is right by you at 43J, go all the way up the A/B side to the front of the cabin then back down the H/J side until you get to the seat in need, whatever gets the heart pumping. If you’re on a spacious plane you can do a variety of calisthenics in the coach galley. There’s room for several people to run in place, do jumping jacks, or throw down some yoga mats. On the layover you can take long walks or better yet, jog. if you’re in a nice neighborhood, take a run and check out your beautiful surroundings. If you’re in the hood, just pretend that someone’s chasing you.
The most obvious solution to getting a killer body without joining a gym is to go to the hotel gym whenever available. Barring that, these everyday exercises on and off the plane can get you in shape and healthier without doing anything out of your normal work routine. Of course having a healthy sex life never hurt anyone either.