Straight Guy Lesson #8- Flight Attendant Interview Gone Wrong

What could be worse than the Flight Attendant Interview?  Well, what’s worse than dealing with those questions we’ve all heard a million times is sitting on a bus in between two people when one is giving the other the Flight Attendant Interview.

I knew from the second I sat down that the young blonde was a flight attendant, I saw a bidsheet sticking out of her bag.  There was only one empty seat on the M60 bus leaving La Guardia and it was right between this girl and this older guy.  He was probably thirty-something but still a lot older than this girl.  I guess they were already talking before I got on, so immediately I was right in the middle of their conversation.  I tried to ignore it but that was just impossible since they were both leaning in towards each other, right in my lap. I wanted to pass the time talking on the phone but it was in my front pocket and I couldn’t get to it because the guy was all up in my bidness.

They chatted for ten minutes about where they were from and where they’ve lived and finally, inevitably, it came out that for the last five glorious months she’s been a flight attendant for Delta Airlines.  Then the questions came like an avalanche.  What is your route?  How long do you get to stay at the city you fly to?  Do they put you up at a hotel?  Do you get to fly for free?  Have you almost ever crashed?  Do you see many people trying to join the mile high club?  blah blah blah.  I’ve heard it all before and can seriously answer the questions in my sleep even before the person asks them.

I really felt for the girl.  It pains me to hear someone go through that but the terrible part was that she was so new, young, and cheery that she actually enjoyed answering all these questions.  I was horrified!  I give one word answers but she was expanding on hers.  The whole interview should have taken seven minutes and forty-three seconds if she did it right.

To make it even worse, she didn’t even answer the questions correctly!  She’d give an answer that was glorious or horrible about the job and it wouldn’t even be true.  It might be randomly true one time but if you’ve been flying for more than five months, you’d know that it’s completely, totally untrue over the course of a career.

I wanted to jump in and correct her on certain things but I knew it wasn’t any of my business.  Actually that isn’t really what stopped me.  I have no problem butting into that conversation.  What stopped me was that I could tell the guy was really into the girl by the way he nervously and uncomfortably tried to ask more and more questions to keep the conversation going.  He seemed like a nice guy and me butting in might disrupt the little thing they had going.  She was obviously into their exchange so why do I need to get involved?  He might see me jumping in as some kind of cock-blocking and I don’t want to do that.  She, being a sweet as pie girl from South Carolina, probably would’ve started including me in the conversation and might even start asking me a bunch of questions and ignoring him.

No, I did the right thing by not saying anything but I would’ve given anything for an IPod to suddenly materialize on my head.  The more interest he showed, the more cocky she got.  I thought she was getting kinda boastful when she talked about how cool it was to have a morning macchiato at the Trevi Fountain and then dinner on a rooftop in Manhattan in the same day.  Of course it is!  Everyone in the world knows that would be brilliant, but you don’t need to sound so proud of yourself.  I’ve been guilty of thinking how bad ass it is to see a soccer game in Milan and the very next day catching US Open tennis in New York.  I catch myself in these thoughts but would never in a million years say them out loud.  I don’t want to be that guy.

Still though, he was totally into everything she was saying and completely validating her superiorness.  What annoyed me the most, even more than the airline lies, was when she started dissing New York City because it’s not acceptable to go out in scrubby clothes like it is in Charleston.  I can’t believe I was able to hold me tongue!  She thought it was just the coolest thing in the world that you can go to the beach all day and then go to a bar in your flip-flops and no one would say a word.  She didn’t understand why New York wasn’t like that and that everyone spends at least four hours getting ready for a night out, even to the local bar, dressed to the nines.  Where the fuck is this girl hanging out?  Has she never set foot downtown?  Or in Brooklyn?  I defy you to find someone at Max Fish who doesn’t look like they woke up in a gutter and then dragged themselves up to the bar.

Yeah she’s new to New York but I think after Week 2 I’d found some low-key, hometown dives.  You can walk into a bar in flip-flops and a ratty t-shirt in every single US city I can think of.  That’s not exclusive to Charleston, South Carolina.  The guy (who was born in Jersey, moved to Pennsylvania, then Arizona, and now New York) kept his mouth shut and didn’t even challenge this notion at all.  I was sweating and squirming in my seat.  He must have really wanted to screw her.  Even if I really REALLY wanted to win over a hot young stewardess on a bus, I still would’ve corrected her on this outlandish misconception.  Enough is enough!

I mean just by throwing out the names of a couple of neighborhoods or bars that are slack like that, he might have bought himself several dates with this girl.

“Oh, you need to go down to the East Village, Lower East SIde, or even out to Brooklyn then.  I could show you a ton of amazing places where the people are real and down to earth, and wearing flip-flops with unwashed hair.  My favorite place is (insert specific bar here, preferably somewhere obscure that she can’t find on her own and will need you as an escort)”

“Oh wow, that would be awesome!  I’d love to check out some places like that.  Places like in Charleston, South Carolina.”

Boom!  Just like that they have plans and you know she’ll be excited about it.  It doesn’t even have to come off like a date, just a local showing a nice transplant where to have a good time.  I really hope that all went down after I got off the bus.  I seriously doubt it by the way he just kept letting her talk and talk and talk but who knows, maybe he grew a pair and popped the question.


6 responses to “Straight Guy Lesson #8- Flight Attendant Interview Gone Wrong

  1. Funny stuff Brian!! I know I never left my Manhattan apt. without spending 4 hours primping in the mirror- HA!

  2. oh my. how frustrating! I’m surprised your eyes didn’t pop outta your head, trying to hold all your replies inside. ugh.

    “Have you almost ever crashed?” people ask that?!

  3. haha! Just found you through mention on The Flying Pinto and you’re hilarious! I worked at LGA and boy that M60 bus…there’s always some sort of adventure going down when you get in. I’ve seen a girl try to match two people up once but they were both so shy about it, it was as frustrating as your experience. And SERIOUSLY that girl needs to go to Brooklyn..I mean just take the L, get off at Bedford and all you see is flip flops and unwashed hair! In fact, if you wash your hair, you’ll probably never get served at any of those bars!!! haha

    I’ll be sure to place your blog into my favorites. Consider me a new fan 🙂 Thanks for sharing!

    • thanks so much. and i know right? one stop on the L into Brooklyn is all it’d take. Im sure she’s figured it out by now, that was well over 2 years ago when that happened on the M60. I’m looking forward to the days when the weather allows flip flops in NYC again.

  4. hiii brian I am an asian dude an attorney by qualification. I have been dating this air hostess and due to her persuasion, I am taking a flight attendant’s job with Emirates. Have read your blog and just loved it. I hate to admit it, but in my culture, homosexuality is still considered a full taboo unlike western world, therefore dealing with gays on board is freaking me out. Could you give me some tips to deal with this fear and anxiety ? Also are FAs supposed to share rooms with same sex colleagues? What if my colleague is gay and i am not comfortable sharing room with him??

    • Hey! Thanks for writing and congrats on getting the job! It certainly will be an adjustment since your culture isn’t exactly accepting of homosexuality. I guess what it comes down to is if you can be ok with it personally. It’s not like you’re going to be surrounded by gay life 24/7 but you will certainly be around gay people almost every day of your working life. I don’t have a problem with it at all. The best way to be ok with your gay colleagues is to realize that they are exactly like you in 99% of the ways that make them a man. The only difference is that they like guys and you like girls. You will be able to get along with them very well if you remember that. It’s not like your conversations will always be about homosexuality. Everything you do with your straight friends you can do with your new gay coworkers, for the most part. I can say alot of things like this but at the end of the day you’re just going to have to give it a shot and make sure you’re ok with it. Be nice and respectful. You’re not expected to love every gay man you meet just like you aren’t expected to love every straight man you meet. Some people are assholes and it’s okay for you to not like them at all. Just make sure you hate people for the right reasons! Being born gay is certainly not one of them.
      I think one of the biggest fears of the unknown that straight guys have going into this job is that they’re going to be hit on all the time by gay coworkers. It’s not like that at all. Sure you may get hit on and a few may be interested in you but believe me, if you’re cool with the attention and respectfully take it in stride and not freak out, it won’t be a problem at all. I have dozens of very good gay friends and some of them when we first met would say flirty things and make jokes to test out if I was really straight or not. They found out that I wasn’t interested, we proceeded to get to know each other better, and we developed friendships that have lasted for years now.
      I’m not sure how your airline is but we never had to share rooms with people except during initial training. Yeah, you may have to share a room with a gay man during that but I wouldn’t worry at all. He probably has anxiety about sharing a room with a possibly homophobic straight guy so you need to put his mind at ease as well. The best advice I can give you is just treat any gay man like you’d treat any other man you’re meeting for the first time. Treat him like you’d want to be treated and be open minded. There are some flight attendants out there who I work with who refuse to be friendly with the gays. I don’t get this AT ALL. I think I’d be miserable if I weren’t friends with my gay coworkers. Why take this job if you’re not going to like half the people you fly with? Worse than that, the girls we work with hate these guys because of their prejudice. So pretty much everyone in the airline hates these guys. In the immortal words of Depeche Mode, People are People.
      I’m very interested in how all this goes for you. Keep me updated. In fact I’m going to be taking Emirates in about 6 weeks and will be in Dubai off and on for ten days at the end of March. I’ve met a few Emirate flight attendants and love them to death. It seems like a fun airline to work for. Good luck and let me know if you have any more questions!

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