Every non-airline person has always wanted to know certain things about the flight attendant job and lifestyle. This can work for you in some rare cases, but usually it’ll lead to annoyance. When meeting someone for the first time and the subject of employment comes up, pray that you’re not the first flight attendant they’ve ever met. If you are, they’ll take their big opportunity to ask all the questions they’ve ever wanted to know and they’ll shoot them off at you like an AK47.
The script goes something like this… Stranger in bar asks you, the aloof drunk muttering to himself, your name. They don’t understand what you say, they just nod and smile followed by, “What do you do for a living?” You cringe and mumble, “flight attendant”. Their ears perk up. At this point you know you’re either going to hear them bitch about how their last flight went horribly wrong, or you’re getting the dreaded Flight Attendant Interview. You pray for a lost luggage story. The stranger’s eyes widen and without a moment’s hesitation, out comes:
Are you gay?
Do you get to fly all over the world for free?
What airline do you work for?
What’s your route?
How long do you get to stay at the city you fly to?
Do they put you up at a hotel?
Do they pay for your meals when you’re away?
Do you hook up with all the stewardesses?
Are you sure you’re not gay?
Can you hook me up with a stewardess?
Can you get her to wear the uniform?
Do you like to be called a steward or a flight attendant or what?
How does your schedule work?
Do you have a boy/girl in every city?
How long have you done the job?
Where are you stationed? (yeah right, it’s like the military)
Did you have to do some kind of training or schooling?
What’s the worst thing that’s happened?
Have you ever had really bad turbulence?
Have you almost crashed and died a gruesome death?
Seriously, you’re not gay?
Do you see many people trying to join the mile high club?
Have you joined the mile high club?
How might I join the mile high club?
Do you have Buddy Passes?
Can I have a Buddy Pass?
What was your Major before you failed out of community college?
After going through that song and dance a few times you’ll just stop asking people what they do because you don’t want the question returned. When someone asks you, just say you’re unemployed, it’s easier for everyone. Better yet, buy a voice recorder and keep all the answers to the Flight Attendant Interview recorded and ready to go. If someone you don’t care about starts in with the interview, just push play on the recorder, go to the bar to get yourself another drink while they listen to all the answers. By the time you’re back they’ll know everything they ever wanted to know and you can then talk about something less painful.