Straight Guy Lesson #6- The Flight Attendant Interview

The Flight Attendant Interview

Every non-airline person has always wanted to know certain things about the flight attendant job and lifestyle.  This can work for you in some rare cases, but usually it’ll lead to annoyance.  When meeting someone for the first time and the subject of employment comes up, pray that you’re not the first flight attendant they’ve ever met. If you are, they’ll take their big opportunity to ask all the questions they’ve ever wanted to know and they’ll shoot them off at you like an AK47.

The script goes something like this… Stranger in bar asks you, the aloof drunk muttering to himself, your name.  They don’t understand what you say, they just nod and smile followed by, “What do you do for a living?”  You cringe and mumble, “flight attendant”.  Their ears perk up.  At this point you know you’re either going to hear them bitch about how their last flight went horribly wrong, or you’re getting the dreaded Flight Attendant Interview.  You pray for a lost luggage story.  The stranger’s eyes widen and without a moment’s hesitation, out comes:

Are you gay?

Do you get to fly all over the world for free?

What airline do you work for?

What’s your route?

How long do you get to stay at the city you fly to?

Do they put you up at a hotel?

Do they pay for your meals when you’re away?

Do you hook up with all the stewardesses?

Are you sure you’re not gay?

Can you hook me up with a stewardess?

Can you get her to wear the uniform?

Do you like to be called a steward or a flight attendant or what?

How does your schedule work?

Do you have a boy/girl in every city?

How long have you done the job?

Where are you stationed? (yeah right, it’s like the military)

Did you have to do some kind of training or schooling?

What’s the worst thing that’s happened?

Have you ever had really bad turbulence?

Have you almost crashed and died a gruesome death?

Seriously, you’re not gay?

Do you see many people trying to join the mile high club?

Have you joined the mile high club?

How might I join the mile high club?

Do you have Buddy Passes?

Can I have a Buddy Pass?

What was your Major before you failed out of community college?

After going through that song and dance a few times you’ll just stop asking people what they do because you don’t want the question returned.  When someone asks you, just say you’re unemployed, it’s easier for everyone.  Better yet, buy a voice recorder and keep all the answers to the Flight Attendant Interview recorded and ready to go.  If someone you don’t care about starts in with the interview, just push play on the recorder, go to the bar to get yourself another drink while they listen to all the answers.  By the time you’re back they’ll know everything they ever wanted to know and you can then talk about something less painful.


9 responses to “Straight Guy Lesson #6- The Flight Attendant Interview

  1. Interesting problem. Forever no one ever had a clue what I did at work. My friend called me a “transponster” which is I guess what Chandler on Friends told people he did. You can use that answer next time 😉 It goes like this…..

    Them: what do you do?
    You: I’m a transponster
    Them (looking confused): what does that entail?
    You: I handle all transponsting services for a major conglomerate

  2. i like it. I’m a transponster!! and a damn good one!!

  3. I STILL ask Sara what she does and I have known her dad for 36 yrs and I have NO clue what he does either….
    I am going with we are a family of Secret Agents…..but I like Transponster, too
    Oh…..and flight attendant interview soooooo annoying…..then when they want to get into details of schedule, etc…I want to pull out the 300 page contract that I don’t carry around b/c I have too much other shit, like manual, etc…..

  4. And people wonder why FA’s roll their eyes a lot, So annoying! Nice list.

  5. I’m a safety systems analyst in aluminum tubing.

    No really.

  6. I’m a Software Engineer (glorified name for programmer) at a big company, and I know the pain. At least you get asked standard questions. I get, “Can you fix my computer?” “I have this problem with my …” “Wow, you must be smart to work there”.

    I also feel much better now about asking my usual question to attendants. I usually just ask if someone has any good flights coming up. Occasionally if I’m staying a while I’ll ask if they know of any good places to eat in the city I’m in right now (and occasionally followed up with, “Would you like to join me for dinner” if they’re hot).

    • yeah those are good questions, especially if you’re asking the flight attendant about fun flights coming up, not work flights. I hate talking about work but I love talking about holidays. Since we’re all know-it-alls about every city we’ve ever been to, asking about where to eat is a good way for us to sound smart and useful. I like the follow up invitation. They can’t really say No since they just recommended a place they love. Nice work Kris, I’ll be stealing all your airline game.

  7. Hey Brian,

    So ever since I discovered your blog, it’s my newest form of entertainment. Your posts just get funnier and funnier. And I can imagine how annoying the questions get…I’m not even an FA, but I’ve discovered that just working for an airline, I get easily annoyed with the same questions people ask me the minute I tell them what I do. I just experienced it last night..and it’s so true about how they all start telling you about some terrible flight they experienced. What do you want me to do?!!?!?!? lol
    Good to know that others feel the same in the industry and that I’m not just a b*tch for walking away the minute I hear people start the “what do you do” marathon . haha

    • haha, i bet we would sound just as bad as them if agents,managers,stews etc etc all got together to bitch about the annoying pax we deal with every day. It’s good to vent though 🙂

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