Eff Starbucks


I hate coffee.  I hate the taste.  I hate the way people revolve their lives around it.  I hate the way people act like they can’t even begin function without it, and insist on telling you so.  People put a higher priority on coffee in the morning than a daily affirmation or quality time with the wife and kids.  I hate the industrial giant it’s become.  I hate, most of all, what it does to the one saving grace of being awake in the early morning.  Before the introduction of coffee to a room, office, or city, everyone is walking around in living dead solitude.  Heads are heavy and still blurry from the half wake dream state we walk in.  People drag themselves around in sedation, in seclusion, in this waking-life surrealistic state.  It’s not an angry or an apathetic time, just not outright friendly one.

Still, there’s an understanding in the silence and it’s beautiful.  We’re all alone together and though we may appreciate the others around us, you’d never know it by the looks on our faces.  We’re dreary, we’re lost, we’re contemplating this day and that day and all the days.  Then some asshole is the first of many to order a large cup of joe.  It hits the bloodstream and people snap out of it after the first piping hot sip.  The room goes from various hues of gray to vibrant, radiant colors.  The people open their eyes and lift up their heads.  Things get back in focus.  Now conversation begins, frivolous, inane chatter in very clear tones about ridiculous things as inspired by their caffeine high.  Not only do people accept the transformation, they actually vocalize their thanks for the jumpstart.  Oh, now they feel alive!  Just because of a little synthetic energy, everything is how it should be.

I say fuck that.  What’s so great about having bright eyes and a bushy tail?  Tomorrow morning let’s drink dreamy nighttime tea that comes in dark blue boxes with pictures of moons and stars.  Why do we want to be alert and attentive so early?  I hate the way coffee brings down its tyrannical hammer on such beautiful mornings of inwardly focus and catharsis.  I love the smell, but I hate coffee.  I even hate the word, those fucking arrogant double Fs and double Es.  It’s just so neat and proper and easy to handle, just like we all should be.


One response to “Eff Starbucks

  1. dreamy nighttime tea drinkers unite in oblivion- lets meet @ 3am and chatter about meaningful things like meditations for world peace and non hostile work environments with decor of mellowed out tones and skateramps. okay, maybe not skaters… too high strung.
    sadly, i love coffee… but have let it slip out of my life – because i hate being a part of the norm. it is my sole intention to fuck the hype and deviate from what ever it is the jones’ do.

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